for whomever
May 7, 2008
· Filed under Uncategorized
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This poem was sent to me by a friend and I thought I would share it, for all my family members that are grieving over things recent and things past, for all my friends who are hurting for the loss of a husband and dad, for those I do not who may stumble upon this and read it…
Grief is many things and different to everyone, be careful with your words for it may send them “reeling”-
as 2 Resort Girls know words can hurt and silence can be even more painful…
May you read this and find some solace and relief and know that you are not alone if you are grieving…
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We all grieve differently
Some grieve quietly
Solemn in their grief not wanting
To show their pain
While some are loud
Letting the pain out for all to see and then beginning
The long battle of healing
Some hold their grief in for so long
That eventually it eats at them
Causing them to misdirect it
In different ways unknowingly pointing
The pain of loss toward others not wanting of it or deserving
When instead they should be letting go and moving onGrief is not a friend
For it makes one angry, sad, exhausted, and confused
Grief is an unwanted guest for it stays for a long, long, time
Seemingly never wanting to leave
Once in a while it will allow some peace but for only a brief time span
It would rather curl it’s black tentacles around and keep you in it’s grip forever
And then one day you realize you are starting to feel a little better
As the seasons change so do we
In time we shall heal
You start to get back into your routine and realize grief is finally
Packing up to end it’s long overstayed visit
For it was a long process this visit from grief
Each day gets a little better
Keep on moving
Stay busy
One day, Grief is finally gone
Until the next time it is required to visit again
Stephanie J. DeMartino
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Kathryn Heroff said,
May 9, 2008 @ 2:52 pm
Thank you for posting this poem. I sincerely hope it truly touches the lives of my nieces and family up north and helps them all to come to some sort of peace and truce. Grief truly does its best to rip at the hearts of all affected by it and sometimes, when the healing finally comes, too much damage has been done to those closest to us to ever heal those rifts. Please don’t let that happen to our family, there are too few of us left as it is! I feel this little section of the poem really speaks to the pain and conflict that seems to be happening within our family right now.
Some hold their grief in for so long
That eventually it eats at them
Causing them to misdirect it
In different ways unknowingly pointing
The pain of loss toward others not wanting of it or deserving
When instead they should be letting go and moving on Grief is not a friend
For it makes one angry, sad, exhausted, and confused
Grief is an unwanted guest for it stays for a long, long, time
Perhaps it seems strange to post such open comments on this blog, but I am hoping that in voicing these thoughts to a public forum that it may serve as a wake-up call, not just to our little circle, but perhaps a way for people outside to try to understand the pain that is felt by the whole family, not just a few. We cannot help if we are pushed away. We cannot support if that support is belittled and demeaned. We cannot heal as a family if there is no communication. Something that MUST be understood – we (Jaime, Philip and I) have all gone through this pain of losing our parents at far too young an age, too! We understand the pain, confusion, questioning, and loneliness. It’s been almost 28 years and there are times that my loneliness for my parents overwhelms me to this day, but I honor their memory by continuing to live in a way that I hope would make them proud. I celebrate their complete life in Christ and I live looking forward to the day when I will be reunited with them and with Ann and Gene and so many other saints gone before me in heaven.
Yes, eventually grief does move on, but perhaps not before it (and here I would liken grief to Satan) does too much damage to those left behind. I truly believe that Satan uses our grief to tear at our foundations of faith and family, and that we must unite as a strong unit against this kind of invasion and lean on the faith that was so important to Ann and to the way she raised Molly and Sarah and to the way she would be calling us to live today!
I pray that you will take this posting in love and understanding, and that anyone and everyone who reads it, and perhaps responds to it, will do so with an open heart and a loving spirit guiding them.
Stephanie said,
July 1, 2008 @ 8:19 pm
I am truly honored that you have chosen to represent my poem for other’s to share. I penned this poem after the death of my Mom in 05. She died from bone cancer. She was a lady through and through.
I have 5 brothers and sisters. Four older than me and one younger than myself. I watched each of them and how they dealt with our Mother’s passing over a period of a year. In the beginning, we all came together but only for a short time during the wake, funeral and then holiday season because she passed right before Thanksgiving. After that some went back to their former selves and treated one another carelessly and without respect. Passing judgement, being selfish, and not thinking before speaking causing unkind remarks to spill out in conversations. There are three of us that get along and there are three of us who don’t speak to one another presently.
But for one brief in moment in time, we all put our differences aside and came together to unite and honor the one lady who made it possible for us all to be here. We treated one another with kindness and respect and with love. It was almost normal.
Every time I see this poem out there in cyber space, My eyes well up and I think about the words that came out of me that day and I’m so glad and greatful that I am able to share this with others. If my poem can help just one family come together and treat one another with kindness and respect and love, then that makes me happy. I know there’s always going to be a possibility that there will be families out there that no matter how hard each one tries, will not always get along. But some might. Some might read that poem and think, hey, what am I doing?
Life is too short to be behaving this way towards my family member.
My Mantra is, I choose to live each day in the hopes that I am honoring both my parents and to treat my children and fiancee and family members with kindness and respect and stay positive because being positive takes less energy than being negative.
Thank you again for posting my poem. Have a wonderful day!